Therapy

My father was a carpenter and from what I have been told he was a very good one. He died about 12 years ago when I was still finding my way in the world and when we still hadn’t come to terms with the rocky relationship we had while I was a rebellious teenager.

So I never really fully appreciated his skills because he hasn’t been around to renovate the houses I have lived in. My wife’s father has been so I have been able to appreciate his skills somewhat more but he wasn’t a carpenter by trade he has gone into the renovation business since he retired from his original profession and he like all outport Newfoundlanders seems to have a natural skill in carpentry.

I don’t seem to have inherited that skill. This probably led to some of the friction between my father and myself. He couldn’t understand why I was unable to drive a nail straight and I couldn’t understand why he thought I was such a feeb. I wanted to understand it all but it just didn’t happen intuitively. And I learned later on in life that some people aren’t good teachers.

My father built our house. He not only built it but he cut the entire frame for the house one winter armed with nothing more than an axe and a buck saw. He hauled the wood out from the forest on a sled pulled by our horse Belle. I don’t remember Belle very much she was a very old horse and was eventually destroyed when she became too ill. I was five at the time.

Some years later when I was about 16 I found Belle’s bones in the woods. There was a neat little hole in the skull from the rifle my Dad used to put the old horse out of her misery.

Anyway Dad (well mostly Belle) hauled the wood to a local sawmill where they cut it into the 2x4s joists and rafters that would be the frame of our house. He turned that skill into a profession and over the years gained a reputation of being an excellent “finish carpenter” (that means he was good at cabinets and stuff)

So fast-forward to the present day. I bought my first house in 1997. I tried to do some things like put some spray insulation in the cracks in the windows but it all foamed up and made a hideous ugly yellow mess. I struggled with putting screws into drywall because I didn’t’ understand that you have to find a stud and then drive the screw into that. Did you know that studs are placed 16” apart? Well if you know where one stud is you can always find all the others. In fact you can now buy a little gizmo called a stud finder that you place on a wall and drag across it. It beeps when you hit a stud (contrary to its name it only finds building studs not breeding studs – sorry girls)

So my father-in-law shows up to do some renovation work on the first house and I thought I would help him. I learned something very important (I think we were putting down ceramic tiles) on that project and I will pass it on to all who read it (especially those who find carpentry work to be fraught with peril).

No project ever goes smoothly. In fact all projects are fraught with problems. I used to start to do something like… put up a new light fixture and then get completely freaked out because it didn’t go smoothly. I thought it was because I was an idiot. But it turns out this happens to everyone even the best carpenters.

Since then we have bought our second house and this one has had a lot more renovation work and it isn’t just cosmetic. We have gutted two rooms and completely redid them. By we I mean my father in law and I. And at every step we have encountered problems. Nothing is standard in our house. So every time we take down a part of a wall or something we encounter a surprise.

For example when we pulled out the hideous green bathtub from the basement bathroom we realized that there was something missing. A trap. For those who don’t know the trap is that curved part you see on all plumbing drains. If you look under your sink you will find one. Most people think that the trap is there to make it easy to find rings and stuff if you accidentally drop one down the drain. However a trap is there to keep sewer gas from making it’s way up the pipe and into your bathroom creating a smell.

Any way what was originally a simple task to take one bathtub out and swap in another became a challenge to now attach a trap where none had been before. The problem was there wasn’t room for a trap. I can’t remember how we actually got one in there finally but I do remember this: it involved a lot of swearing.

Recently we built a new deck on the back of the house replacing a small pathetic rotten one that was there. Again a straightforward project had its share of setback and strange problems (like taking down a piece of siding to discover that the wood underneath was completely rotten – a whole wall had to be replaced).

This all helped me realize that I am not a complete idiot when it comes to basic home repair and some carpentry. In fact I have now amassed a collection of tools that I know how to use Like a compound miter saw – man that thing is cool. Or a cordless drill (everyone should have one) In fact I might even get a router after Christmas.

But most important of all I have made a major breakthrough and conquered a phobia. My father in law likes to watch this TV show. It is called “Holmes on Homes” .

Never heard of it? It is nominated for a Gemini!!

This guy named Mike Holmes goes around to people who have hired contractors to do renovations and completely fucked it up. He then proceeds to show everything that the contractors did wrong and then fix them.

I always found this show terrifying because I was petrified that there was a maze of poorly done renovations lurking under the drywall of my house. I just couldn’t watch it. Seriously.

Well after four renovation projects and countless problems encountered (and solved) I no longer fear watching the show. In fact I try to catch it every night. Usually I watch it during my daily ride on the exercycle.

Not only am I no longer petrified of the show but I can actually understand some of the things they are talking about.

I’m no carpenter but I am no longer a total klutz either and I have actually found some projects via the web that I think I can complete on my own.

I think my father might have been proud.

The Ukraine is very far away. ....

I can't get interested in the whole Ukraine election scandal. Why? Because none of the news stories I have read give me any idea what the exact problem is.

Here is the summary of every news story I have read (and if you don't believe me click this link

1 There was a an election in Ukraine
2 Some guy won
3 Some other guy (with a degenerative facial disease of some sort scroll down for the spooky pictures) lost
4 People are complaining about fraud
5 None of the stories say exactly what the fraud is or how do we know if the claims of fraud are true
6 The US and Canada and The European Union are not recognizing the newly elected president.

That is all the detail we are given.

Here are some points that aren't brought up in the stories

1 George Bush has had trouble recognizing leaders of foreign countries before and every one made fun of him. But now that no one can recognize the new leader of the Ukraine no one is laughing.
2 Canada has a lot of Ukrainians who have been protesting the election. I don't know how standing outside a building in Winnipeg helps the situation.

Most importantly:

How does this problem affect the pierogie supply? I know we have plenty of domestic pierogies in Canada because we have a huge Ukrainian population but what of the rest of the world? And what if our supply is contaminated by mad pierogie disease or something? Then what?


In the interest of protecting the pierogie supply I offer this link to the leaders of the world who have trouble recognizing the new leader of the Ukraine (Viktor Yanukovych) he is on the left towering over Vladimir Putin who is the head of state for Russia.

Most people can recognize him I think but if not the saves us all that embarrassment as well.

Now does anyone have a better idea what's going on over there? I don't really feel like going out and doing some kind of in-depth research because I am tired and lazy and my feet hurt from walking around outlet malls all night in the rain trying to get Christmas gifts for my wives sisters.

Damn.

I wish my new snowblower was here. Remind me to tell you about the snowblower. I hope we get lots of snow this winter because I have a new snowblower. Well next week when it arrives I will.

For work reasons I have decide to write my posts before I go to bed at night rather than in the morning. I think the conclusion so far is that I write like a retard when I am tired.

Heh

You Are a Pundit Blogger!

Your blog is smart, insightful, and always a quality read. Truly appreciated by many, surpassed by only a few.

Fact Check Contest

TheNew York Post is reporting that Howard Stern sidekick Robin Quivers is developing her own show and may not join Howard when he moves to satellite. The story has this passage:

If it turns out that Quivers ends up eventually leaving "The Howard Stern Show," she would be the second "Stern Show" veteran to bolt.

Head writer Jackie "The Joke Man" Martling left several years ago and was replaced by Artie Lange

Can you spot the factual (as opposed to grammatical) error?

First commenter to get it right will win a stupid prize!

Update: Mark wins!! What is the prize? A free GMAIL account with super mega storage!! YAY!! YAY MARK!!!!

Frivolous or Furious?

Perfect 10 is a publisher of a magazine called (oddly enough) Perfect 10. The magazine seeks to buck the trend of silicone and saline enhanced bodies by only publishing women who are "100% natural" (sorry Pam).

They also have a website where you can join and view the natural woman.

The problem is that like most adult websites they are subject to "password dumps" and trading via on-line forums.

So instead of going after the people who swap and publish passwords what is Perfect 10 doing?

They are suing Google

alleging that its leading Internet search engines are illegally allowing people to view hijacked versions of its nude photos and to access its Web site with stolen passwords.

a Google Web search for "perfect10.com passwords" serves up a list of usernames and passwords that would enable searchers to access Perfect 10's Web site and bypass its $25.50 monthly membership fee.

Actually a Google web search with that string produced links to this story and nothing else. A google websearch without quotes turned up passwords that didn't work.

Good luck in your trumped up lawsuit guys.

Huh?

I have always felt that Stockwell Day was unfairly treated. By the media, by the public and worst of all by his own party. However when I read that he didn't send condolences to Arafat's family (or whomever he was supposed to send them to) because he might have died from AIDS I have to shake my head.

There are plenty of reasons not to send condolences - the best one being that Arafat was a flat out terrorist murderer. But if he had died of natural causes is Day saying he would have sent condolences then?

Many Christians I know who are uncomfortable with homosexuality use the phrase "hate the sin love the sinner". Certainly Arafat has committed many sins.

It is possible that he contracted Aids via unsafe sex practices (which don't have to be homosexual lets remember) or he could have contracted it through blood transfusions. If you are a conspiracy theorist you could also surmise that Israel and the US gave it to him to create shame in the Arab world.

Is Mr. Day saying that any of those reasons immediately disqualifies Arafat and his family and countrymen from condolences?

Now to be fair to Stockwell he referred to an article by David Frum that talked about Arafat's condition and how it was similar to AIDS but the article could have mentioned other things about Arafat's scurrilous career as a murderer and that's what Day could have been talking about. It might be the media that is focusing on the Aids thing to push it's conservatives are all redneck idiots agenda.

If it is true however Stock certainly has added fuel to that fire.

Full article via Neale News here.

Update: Katehas obviously done more research than I.

Thanks Damian (and stop calling me Tony).

Blessed are the Moviewatchers

Kathy sure has seen more movies than I have.

That Explains a lot....Really it does.

From an article about that Bush doll crushing thing:

"Michael P. Donovan, the producer of '22 Minutes,' said that he felt he had little choice but to give the network [CBC] permission to show the clip.

'I actually feel a little guilty about this,' said Mr. Donovan, who won an Academy Award for co-producing Michael Moore's film, 'Bowling for Columbine.' 'If this had all gone by proper process and appeared on our show in a sketch format, it would have actually seemed quite tame.'"

This guy worked on Bowling for Columbine? I'm surprised Rick Mercer doesn't show up in there somewhere.

BTW I am thinking of making my own documentary where I send guys to bowling alleys in Thailand to pick up Thai women. I call it "Bowling for Concubines". I hope Mr. Donovan will get behind the project.